You Can Help

I’ve been in contact with these kids in Uganda for the past two years and helped raise $300 for them to stay in their home/orphanage and pay their rent when I first started video chatting with them and one of the young men who run the orphanage. They are again in need of help to stay in their home and prayers and donations to help them are greatly appreciated. I started a GoFundMe https://gofund.me/63f2ca5f to raise money to help them.

Please help if you can and pray for them! I’m going to post here what I posted on the GoFundMe page for more info so click above or here https://gofund.me/63f2ca5f or read below and follow the links to donate!! Thanks for all your help!

Help Save These 50 beautiful Souls’ Home! Click to read and donate.

We helped raise $300 for these amazing kids who are happy with next to nothing 2 years ago when their were 46 beautiful souls at this struggling orphanage.  Now they have 50 children as the young man who runs it said, “I added some because of the increasing number of suffering children in our area child and you drop tears yet i would like to see every child happy…” They are located in Uganda, jinja district. 

Rent is their big challenge as they don’t have their own owned home. Also food because there are times when they don’t even know what they’ll have to eat/feed the children the next day! Another struggle is clothing because some children don’t have blankets to keep them warm/comfortable during the nights. Another need is medication because they don’t have enough mosquito nets so some of the children do struggle with malaria as they have alot of mosquitoes here. The children are in the age range of 5-14.

I talk with these kids and Kisoma Ian, who helps run Hope Ministries and takes care of these 50 beautiful souls, regularly and we video chat and they are so sweet and grateful for life!!

Your donation big or small will help keep them in their home, be fed and clothed and provide them with medication and more mosquito nets. Prayers are appreciated and needed! Thank you for all your help! 

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”

Nelson Mandela 

“We make a living by what we get 

     But we make a life by what we give.”

                              Winston Churchill 

“We cannot do great things on this Earth, 

                                       Only small things with great love.”

                                     Mother Teresa 

AA Step 2 Part 1 & 2 Step Work

Step 2 Part 1: What my God/Higher Power is.

Unconditionally loving of EVERY human being.

My Higher Power (HP) started off as a waterfall/or mountain.
Today 03-13-2023 and for the last short while (a couple years now) my HP is my best friend, Father, confidant, mentor, and I often refer to Him as TED but call Him God as well. I am a daughter of God and I’m finally letting him take the wheel in the car of my life.

He is NOT the “feared” God of religion. He is all love and I finally am able to really hear His guidance daily in my life because I’m asking for it and talking to him. I’m genuinely asking numerous times a day/whenever needing to make a decision I’m even a little unsure about for direction and “Thy will, not mine, be done.” And He guides me. And today since I am clean/sober I can hear/listen to His guidance and not question or wonder if I am fooling myself like I have done in the past.

I feel God’s love flowing through me and directing me to people who need Him and where I can be helpful. God gives me the purpose I’ve been searching for and the serenity and peace to be with myself and fully love/know/respect myself today.

My God is all powerful and all knowing and nothing happens in my life by mistake. My God will not/does not give me more than I can/am able to handle. Every aspect of my past happened for God’s Reasons and I am no longer resentful or upset or feel any negativity or obsess over my past mistakes/life lessons/failures/embarrassments nor do I blame anyone/anything/God for any hurts/betrayals/other people’s unkind choices/my fuckups/anything from my past and I can fully see the role I played in every aspect of my shortcomings/missteps/negative situations/life and forgive all those who have harmed/hurt me/my daughters and even see their possible good intentions/motives even when the outcome proved otherwise in the end.

My HP is kindness, acceptance, tolerance, and understanding. He does not judge me or anyone and neither do/should I because we are all the sons and daughters of God. My HP is not religious but he understands and appreciates the good intentions of religion and doesn’t care how we heal just wants to heal all His children through us.

Step 2 Part 2: What my God is not?

To blame. To give me material things.
In control of my choices, actions, and behaviors.
Going to do the work for me.
To be feared/fear.
A joke or copout or lie or a maybe.
Going to force me or chase me (but He will always be there).
Judgmental or unforgiving.
Religion or religious.

Love and let live.

We only have control over ourselves, our thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions. What anyone thinks, feels, says about me is none of my business or my issue. People hurt people because they’re hurting. You could slap me in the face today and I will smile and tell you to have a good day.

Everyone is going through their own shit that we know little/nothing about. Try to remember that when a person hurts/attacks/is rude to you, that’s their issue don’t take it to heart.

However if you’re called an asshole once a day, it’s not you, if you’re being called an asshole multiple times a day it’s you that’s the asshole. No not always but I think you get it.

Strive to be better than yesterday even just the tiniest bit and you’ll be amazed how your life will change.

Be patient with yourself it doesn’t happen overnight or without action and being honest with yourself. And by no means am I trying to say it’s easy but it’s definitely worth the effort, uncomfortableness, and willingness.

Be kind and love all the assholes anyway- you don’t know their story it’s not always your business to anyway and doesn’t matter- do what only you can do and control : be kind, love em anyways, let God take care of the rest!

I hope everyone has a stellar day and helps the healing by just doing others simple kindnesses.

One piece of advice: DON’T WATCH THE NEWS. “They” choose what to show/manipulate us with through the media and this continues to divide us. We need the police – BOYCOTT AND DEFUND THE MEDIA!!

I Never Have to Use Again

For the first time in my life I am genuinely 100% sober.
Since the age of 15 I started smoking pot, drinking on occasion.
To be completely honest, as I try to consistently be, I hated smoking pot, still do when I have once in a blue moon over the past 20 years since those teenage days. So why did I? Cause it was what to do. And I, like I believe most of us if we’re honest with ourselves, was trying to fill this indescribable void that I didn’t know why it was there and took me 20 years to figure out the only way to fill. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I married an alcoholic at 19 and we brought the best blessing of a child into this world. We never should have been married but I was still trying to fill that void and I thought that would do it. Of course it didn’t. Our marriage lasted 11 years but we separated after 2 or 3. I got into drinking but he got to be the alcoholic and so I couldn’t be, yet. Recently he betrayed me in a way I never saw coming and while I’m hurt and baffled 2 years still with him betraying me and our daughter I forgive him and love him just as much if not more than the day we brought our baby into the world.

We never actually broke up. He was having a great day at work stopped at the bar on the way home for a beer. We were talking and all was great. Then I couldn’t get him on the phone. See that one beer, I didn’t know it at the time, wasn’t enough, would never be enough for an alcoholic like my husband. Next call I got was from the Renton jail and he’d crashed his beloved truck somewhere we’d never even been meaning to be coming home. Come to find out one beer became a pitcher and another and another ad nauseum. I brought our baby girl to visit him in jail. He had a record, he wasn’t getting PRed and we were a couple broke kids so I couldn’t bail him out.

Then while I was at work one day my mother, grandmother, grandfather, and brother, packed up my house without my consent and moved me into my mom’s house to live. As luck would have it my husband got out that same day and came home to our home empty save for the pot he’d been growing that my little brother had kept the real adults from discovering. My mother is an unforgiving hateful woman so he went to live with his brother, ironically where we’d first met, and slowly we went on with our lives.

To be continued….

Today I have 5 days sober. One day at a time. Slow and steady; life’s a marathon and I’m done sprinting.

Let me tell you bout my bestfriend

Finding myself adrift and steadily spiralling toward oblivion God put this handsome soul in my path to ebb my self destruction. The phrase “God sent” took on incredibly real meaning in that moment and through the past half decade or so this gift He bestowed upon my life keeps on proving it’s truth. While I may stumble in my remembrance of the value and goodness that having the fortune of being unconditionally loved by someone not blood related but solely by his choosing to continue to do so I do my darnedest to show my gratitude and appreciation for everything he’s done for me. Even with me sometimes unfairly placing him on a pedestal of my neediness’s expectations he continues to rise above where most would turn and run and hide. I forget that he is fallible as every human being is because his effect on my world has been so supernatural and life saving. Other friends whom I know mean well and love me dearly cannot understand why I return to our relationship that seems at times to be more pain than pleasure but I’ve come to realize that all pain brings growth both personally and within our partnership. It’s great when love and companionship are easy and simple but how fast would that stagnate if we stop growing and real growth comes in those instances you’d not put yourself in because it is uncomfortable or it hurts and yet there always seems to be simple happiness on the other side of most everything that brings me pain and discomfort. And when I recall that God sent me this person in my dire time of need I trust that He reciprocally put me in his life for a similar reason. Thus another life lesson I am slow to learn and quick to forget being that the world doesn’t revolve around me and this union is a two way street so it’s not always about what I need but also what this wonderful man I get to call and experience life having as my bestfriend, my person needs to go through and have me by his side unconditionally loving and accepting and forgiving him and myself as we smoothly sail and when we trip and fall.

Not sorry Daddy

I’m not sorry Daddy, you’re being hurtful!
You are miserable and lying to yourself thinking anyone cares about you like your kids or other than your family!
And we love you anyway
but still you lie and burn bridges you may never be able to fully rectify.

I aint ashamed, you should be proud pops.
I’m amazing against all the gettin in my own way I’ve been doing.
I’m happy and I’m sober – by choice not force this time around!
I’m healthy and I’M ALIVE!

Not all parents can say that after a much shorter run than your fortunately much loved and cared for by everyone along the way daughter has had, old man. Be grateful not hateful. Free bird – compliment me again please you used to be the father I was always aspiring to be like but you’ve gone somewhere dark and I’m scared for if you’ll come back this time..

I’m still here, I’m still fighting, I make my choices very carefully and I consider so many factors you don’t even know even high my IQ and mental acuity drives me batty!
But I am still standing right, so what are you ashamed of – yourself apparently cause no shame to be had here.

I’m alive father – be proud, take your bow at the part you played in putting the head on my shoulders that made it that way! Or sit down and stew with your hate hurting only you. Choices I choose happiness.
I hit rock bottom on repeat but this time I hit the pavement and ran full speed ahead straight into sobriety!
On my own even with your cowardly disowning of me 35 years after bringing that blue alien baby into the world and nearly fainting!!

Fool you didn’t graduate high school but I’ve never been anything but proud of you!
Props on the GED that shit is legit and I have as an adult appreciate the hard work you put in for us to eat.
I was in college at 16 and knew more than you’ve ever known I did before I was even a teen.
But I’ve shielded you and your sensitivities as much as I can and now you’re showing me I did you no favors and enabled you to underestimate me.

Your wisdom has helped me.
My wisdom and intellect have helped you.
I’ve lived more life than you’ll ever see and I am better for it.
Not better than read it right betterment is a personal journey but we taught eachother that…
Come back from denial and self righteousness; it’s not a good look and we know you like to look good.

You’re self made and work hard.
Well so am I and so do I!
I don’t have shit to prove to you but let me just say real quick:
My daughters are resilient and capable and know I love them even through the bullshit.
They know they cannot ever disappoint me and I will always love them and accept them as they are unconditionally.
Hear that let me repeat in case you miss that UNCONDITIONALLY! Like I love you but you obviously need to pick up a dictionary and read.
So right now I’m letting them be without me because the adults in certain situations are using them and making them lie and stress SO I stepped back and am waiting out the inevitable to come to light because I know I raised them up to be okay and love themselves. We’re never apart in our bonds and our hearts.
OH yeah that country song you used to hate about loving even though the man wasn’t there…

Judgment is ignorance and self hatred; plus a complete lack of empathy, compassion, or humanity.

Being broke humbles me.
I could take money and have it all. I could find me a sugar daddy in an instant but I have integrity and grit and I was raised too proud to beg fo shit!
So I stand with less and my head tall, taking no hand outs and enjoy life living small.

I love you Daddy but be ashamed of your own damn hypocrisy and caring what people who don’t think of you think and in all reality you dislike and have something snide to say about anyway.
Grow up old man
Rejoin me being simply happy spreading love and loving the me my Daddy used to be a huge part of making and supporting.

Until then dueces.
Truth hurts, be humble, eat crow and grow with me!
You’re the only one missing out.
I love you anyway and always but misery is company I’m not keeping.
I’ll miss you while you simmer down, life’s too short and too long to be mad.
I hope that you’re well until we meet again, please don’t make that wait til Heaven.

PS I started this at 2:24 wrote down, edited, added and am about to publish it at 2:40
Just want you to know you aren’t taking up much of my thoughts or my time
I don’t do negativity, I aint mad at ya I’m sad for ya.

Sorry 2:43 my computer froze finding the image for this shit.
Love you father, YOUR DAUGHTER.

All I did was add his photos of the 43 orphans he takes care of to my social media