Love and let live.

We only have control over ourselves, our thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions. What anyone thinks, feels, says about me is none of my business or my issue. People hurt people because they’re hurting. You could slap me in the face today and I will smile and tell you to have a good day.

Everyone is going through their own shit that we know little/nothing about. Try to remember that when a person hurts/attacks/is rude to you, that’s their issue don’t take it to heart.

However if you’re called an asshole once a day, it’s not you, if you’re being called an asshole multiple times a day it’s you that’s the asshole. No not always but I think you get it.

Strive to be better than yesterday even just the tiniest bit and you’ll be amazed how your life will change.

Be patient with yourself it doesn’t happen overnight or without action and being honest with yourself. And by no means am I trying to say it’s easy but it’s definitely worth the effort, uncomfortableness, and willingness.

Be kind and love all the assholes anyway- you don’t know their story it’s not always your business to anyway and doesn’t matter- do what only you can do and control : be kind, love em anyways, let God take care of the rest!

I hope everyone has a stellar day and helps the healing by just doing others simple kindnesses.

One piece of advice: DON’T WATCH THE NEWS. “They” choose what to show/manipulate us with through the media and this continues to divide us. We need the police – BOYCOTT AND DEFUND THE MEDIA!!

Blindsided

Survival of the fittest or most duplicitous? I’ve heard it asked : What’s the point of having it all if you’ve got no one to share it with , but I wonder if those who truly have it all could trust those around them to be unmotivated by what they have anyway. I thought I would rather spend my life with my children and worry less or naught about having things. Turns out, though, when people can’t take things they take what matters most to me anyway. And even when they’ve taken all meaning from my life and I’m trying to rise above and keep enjoying life somehow, they keep taking. It’s always the people I think I can trust the most it seems. I naively believe they want the best for me (like they often even have the lying capacity to say even while turning the knife they’ve stabbed in my back that I haven’t realized is even there yet) and with me. Yet once again I trusted and believed just to be let down completely caught off guard and made to look unfit and unprepared and then betrayed beyond my wildest of fears. Since that fateful day they’ve also refused to acknowledge me or allow me to see my two favorite most precious babygirls – who are no longer babies but always will be my babies! and go about life pretending I don’t exist and/or am worthless and justify their unlawful withholding of my children from me whilst poisoning my daughters to look down on and disrespect me. Couldn’t leaving me high and dry when I gave birth to my son after 6 months of planning and trusting my dearest beings with you been enough punishment (for what I’ve been waiting 18 months nearly to be informed myself because there is no justification and I did nothing to bring about such a betrayal from those who claimed to be my family) just screwing up my whole world and giving my baby to her abuser and lying to her about everything when I had stupidly told her she could trust you wasn’t enough?!

But all I can do is breath deeply, calm my frustrated and hurt feels and wait for the courts to let me back in. I won’t even retaliate which so easily I could upend some people’s worlds like they did mine but I’ve learned revenge is a dish best not served because it’s fighting negativity with more negativity and I don’t enjoy negativity so I must be the bigger person and forgive and let it go and move forward. My only focus is my daughters’ happiness, best interest and having them in my life because it serves both the former aspects. Their other adults be damned, they can be their miserable selves and unhappy over there and it can no longer touch me because I will say being around so much hatred and self loathing took a real toll on my soul that I was actively avoiding spending time with them in the end to steer clear of the constant complaining and lack of integrity and honesty with themselves, each other, and everyone else too. Just give me back time with my girls cause legally you should have this entire time!!! Felonious choices that I cannot help what the courts do with if ya’ll continue to refuse to talk to me and avoid me, you don’t get to do that when you have my children, see?

Thin Blood

Oh snap!
did I disappoint you, too?
wait who are you, again?
& why should I give a damn?
oh yeah I remember… you have money
and I didn’t fall in your line
so you’re taking sides

against me but see
thats against us
me and my girls when we trust-ed
how could I not see…?
all it takes it the
not even lining up evenly, often nonsensical,
always complete bullshit!
renderings of a compulsive narcissist
without the brain cells to barely exist?!
yet here I sit because
blood is not as thick as you’d hope or expect
all it takes is
no evidence nope nothing at all
just enjoying watching me fall
so they can shame me and stand
tall wagging fingers all the while
carelessly, recklessly, completely,
misguidedly,
ruining the childhoods of the two
innocents you swore you were defending
FROM ME!!

thats the issue – but you can’t see
apparently
you all were busy trying to control
and ruin me
taking cues from the manipulative abuser
while she – both of my babies – cried out for help
and you all ignored
rewarding yourselves and
seemingly righteously feeling
turning upside down
our whole lives
based on the word of his
compulsive and maniuplative
lies and complete make beleive.

**Funny when it all comes to light
ya’all have disappeared and are nowhere to be found…
still trying to defend your mistakes and betrayal
can’t look lil ol me in the eye, your daughter, your niece, your granddaughter
and my girls whom you all openly deceived
buying the words of who turned out to be
what I told you all along – abusive, neglectful, manipulating everyone
poisoning my daughters and ya’ll against me
with lies I proved untrue and yet you
judgmental, hypocritical no-longer-our family
just enjoy keeping your ugly ass noses in the air
and when you should eat crow and apologize
you’re too pathetic to own your shit and fight fair.

Not Having Enough Time.

When we say we don’t have time to do certain things, we actually do. We just don’t place enough priority for them to be worthy of our time. Imagine having a plate of food. There’s only so much we can fit on the plate before it becomes full. To make room for a certain type […]

+-Life

Not Having Enough Time.

Time takes time.

My Bubbies @1 yo

Minding my business.

I live happily under a rock on purpose and I haven’t been able to miss the overturning of Roe v Wade, try as I might to avoid the propaganda and deliberate dividing of our nation done by our government and media and news outlets. I’m no conspiracy nut I just know that the actual powers that be we don’t actually see and we’re like an old school Sims game to them. They are that ever-ambiguous “they” pulling the strings of society and sitting back to see how we handle this or that, the red pill or the blue?

Usually, even when things erk me about what “they” are doing, I keep it to myself and let it go because more often than not there is not a darn thing I can do about their choices and most don’t directly affect me anyway. Roe v Wade being overturned doesn’t effect me; I’m anti-abortion as a personal choice but pro-choice on a grander scale because it is not my business or within my purview to decide what is right or best for other people. And THAT is why I am so bothered by this decision handed down by the supreme court. Now I get it, like Black Lives Matter and the whole melodrama over Covid-19, Roe v Wade overturned is another way of dividing our nation and to keep us fighting amongst ourselves. However, this one actually seriously can fuck with a woman’s life and then a child’s life and well being in the long run. It is a short sighted decision in my opinion. We already don’t have enough resources for the women who want to get pregnant and cannot afford it here in my state and we aren’t a Bible state like some I’ve been hearing about. One of such states is said to have the highest infant mortality rates AND highest low income pregnancies nationwide! And this state is also going back to the olden days and reaffirming their antiquated anti-abortion laws!

Here’s the reality of what the old farts on the supreme court don’t seem to be able to see the big picture of: allowing these states to shut down abortion clinics without already having the resources in place for all these soon-to-be-born unwanted babies is going to make for more neglect and abuse of children. Plain and simple – I do believe that 50% of those who would have had abortions will turn out to be grateful for having there babies no matter the hardships this creates and they may be great loving parents but the other 50% that will either leave their babies at firestations where that is allowed or be forced to keep them and resent and neglect them is an awful lot of eventual adults likely to be criminals and even if not children with miserable childhoods.

And last thing and I’ll have said my piece. The people who advocate and picket abortion clinics: GOD SAYS DO NOT JUDGE SO STOP JUDGING IN HIS NAME and MIND YOUR BUSINESS!! You have every right to your feelings as does that poor woman already broken over the choice she is making -because while not for all majority of women having abortions aren’t thrilled about it- and you don’t know why or what her circumstances are and are just an asshole for making your opinion stigmatize and create an even worse situation out of the worst situation! Go back and reread your bibles and be like Jesus as God wants and keep your side of the street clean and if you’ve got nothing nice to say keep it to your damn self!

Okay be easy people and love one another today anyway!

dime a dozen

Oh, I’m sorry, let’s start over. I don’t mean to be insensitive but I mean c’mon what’d you expect. Right, you thought you were something special and he was going to leave me – after all these years and him bragging about our son and me to all your coworkers – and you were going to, what, take my place and be a little happy family with my son. Obviously he’s not trying to take a chance at getting you knocked up, I mean that’s the only reason it dawned on me that he was at it again – the obvious cum sprays on his boxers and pajama pants he wears as thermals (that I bought him for Christmas, jerkface) so even with the slim to none chance that he could inseminate you because ask his ex-wife (she got his balls before I ever met him) our son is a miracle baby! Oh, I’m sorry he let you believe that he wanted kids with you, ugh he’ll say just about anything won’t he? You realize how inane, no honey, well yes insane as well if we get down to it but no, INANE as in absurd and ridiculous that you are offended and crying to me that my guy played you because you got your hopes up that in getting with a nearly-married man with a family and a newborn to boot you were going to essentially steal my life. Yeah, right, I’ve got it all wrong, you know all about me don’t you? Yep and in my world you’re nonexistent and so shameful of a self-punishment for my guy that he will likely go to the grave before admitting he deceived me, especially for someone like you. Calm down, you don’t even know what I mean by that so don’t go getting all worked up and self righteous again please; I genuinely don’t have to talk to you at all, it isn’t doing me any service in doing so. Okay let me just be brutally honest – you never had a chance, why would you think you did? Do you think you’re the first one? Not by a long shot. Oh but right I am pushing him away and I’m such a – what is it this time do I nag, do I not clean or cook at all or enough for him, am I out there doing him dirty, or maybe I am a charity case with a drug problem and he just can’t bear to be the asshole I’d make him out to be for abandoning me!? Oh! Oh! Am I borderline personality or a narcissistic emotional abuser? Those two give me a real laugh beings as it’s the most fitting case of the pot calling the kettle black as anyone’d ever know. I won’t label him; I’ve got no degree giving me such authority and even if I did I think it’s too easy to deem a person afflicted with either or both of the aforementioned mental health disorders and thus allowing them an excuse for their despicable behavior. He knows right from wrong and how to treat people right; he chooses to ignore his moral compass to fulfill his wants and what he believes are his needs and thus self-righteously his right to pursue in whatever ways he sees fit. He’s a jerk. Oh there, there you’ll be okay. At least you can get a clean break and chalk it up as a lesson learned and it’s only been a month or two… You could be 6 years in and being lured back in with promises of faithfulness and transparent honesty, him selling you on everything you’d been waiting to hear for so long and then when it seemed things couldn’t be any more perfect BAM! that gut wrenching cycle that coincides with him getting cold feet and running scared trying to distance himself so he can’t possibly get hurt because since he’s a cheater and a liar he believes I am too. At least that is how I cope in believing he’s not just a complete asshat that he seems to be in continuing to cheat and lie to me. Yeah, right, sorry back to you….you aren’t the first, you probably, sadly, won’t be the last but you’re all the same, even when he thinks maybe there is something more there, there isn’t, you all mean less than nothing – remember again you are nonexistent and he will swear to that even after being caught in the act. Here’s the real conundrum I can’t wrap my head around: as the cheatess? (He’s the cheater, I’m the cheated, and you’re not a mistress cause he doesn’t have any real feelings or desires for you so…yeah cheatess it will be) as the cheatess, what kind of idiocy runs in your head to 1. allow you to be dumb enough to think that you’re the first or that you’ll actually replace the woman he claims publically (me in this situation) and in this instance has a family with? 2, Why would you want to when he’s a cheater and you obviously know it because well, duh, so why would he all of a sudden be faithful to you? and finally 3. What makes you think you deserve to take my life and interrupt my relationship and family? See when I started dating my guy he was SINGLE which for any woman with any self worth and/or esteem is THE ONLY type of man that you go for. *

*_{there are those happily ever after seeming stories of the mistress marrying the man who divorces his wife to do so but c’mon think about it every time he goes to work, out with the boys, on a business trip, however the two of you met or got to the point of him breaking his faithfulness to the partner he was lying to and pretending you don’t exist to how well would you be sleeping or worse yet being awake knowing not that he is necessarily but that he could be. . . Maybe instead grow some, learn to love yourself first and believe you’re good enough to not be a man’s shameful secret and stick by this easy rule : if he’s not single (100%) he’s not an option. Cheating is not sexy, it’s cruel and pathetic and you don’t know me and if he didn’t want to be with me he’s not being kept against his will by any means. And don’t forget – according to him you don’t even exist and he would never sink so low. Food for thought.}

music > drugs

I’m sorry Daddy I’m awesome