I Never Have to Use Again

For the first time in my life I am genuinely 100% sober.
Since the age of 15 I started smoking pot, drinking on occasion.
To be completely honest, as I try to consistently be, I hated smoking pot, still do when I have once in a blue moon over the past 20 years since those teenage days. So why did I? Cause it was what to do. And I, like I believe most of us if we’re honest with ourselves, was trying to fill this indescribable void that I didn’t know why it was there and took me 20 years to figure out the only way to fill. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I married an alcoholic at 19 and we brought the best blessing of a child into this world. We never should have been married but I was still trying to fill that void and I thought that would do it. Of course it didn’t. Our marriage lasted 11 years but we separated after 2 or 3. I got into drinking but he got to be the alcoholic and so I couldn’t be, yet. Recently he betrayed me in a way I never saw coming and while I’m hurt and baffled 2 years still with him betraying me and our daughter I forgive him and love him just as much if not more than the day we brought our baby into the world.

We never actually broke up. He was having a great day at work stopped at the bar on the way home for a beer. We were talking and all was great. Then I couldn’t get him on the phone. See that one beer, I didn’t know it at the time, wasn’t enough, would never be enough for an alcoholic like my husband. Next call I got was from the Renton jail and he’d crashed his beloved truck somewhere we’d never even been meaning to be coming home. Come to find out one beer became a pitcher and another and another ad nauseum. I brought our baby girl to visit him in jail. He had a record, he wasn’t getting PRed and we were a couple broke kids so I couldn’t bail him out.

Then while I was at work one day my mother, grandmother, grandfather, and brother, packed up my house without my consent and moved me into my mom’s house to live. As luck would have it my husband got out that same day and came home to our home empty save for the pot he’d been growing that my little brother had kept the real adults from discovering. My mother is an unforgiving hateful woman so he went to live with his brother, ironically where we’d first met, and slowly we went on with our lives.

To be continued….

Today I have 5 days sober. One day at a time. Slow and steady; life’s a marathon and I’m done sprinting.


Published by

lackadaisicalwhimsy [jessCause]

i'm happiLy me despite and often in spite of my circumstances underestimate me, please -this'll be fun i've got no time for playing games so be real or leave me be 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 makes us and we is all I need

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